A Bad Start :(

The new year had barely just begun && I'm already having a bad start. This is SOOOOOOO frustrating :( Each year I kept hearing the same phrase over and over again. "Just wait till next year, things will change", "oh, just wait a little more, I'm sure everything will be better", " Just bare with me a little more. Next year, we'll have a fresher start". Pfft, you know what?! BULLSHIT! I'm tired of hearing reassuring words. Come on la, I'm 18 years old, I'm not a kid you can leave in the dark. Turn better they say, but yet why is it somewhat getting worst? I have already been holding myself back from spending. Okay fine, there are many things that I want in life, but due to the so called "little problem", we've got to stretch our finance a little bit to cover up for survival. Fine, I can take that. But from one month lead to another and another and soon another. I could have gotten my car like since october. It's free you know, so it was supposed to be like my birthday present. For a second hand (don't know how many generation passed down), it's in an awesome condition. Very very good engine, strong metals and it's size is just perfect for me. Not too big, not too small. It's BLOODY FREE!! But yet we had to wait. FOR WHAT?! It's been ready for 3 months. Now?!? New complications. Expired road tax and expired insurance that we could NOT afford for right now. Almost everything also cannot afford. Fine fine, no car, wait another year, nevermind. But it's like, dude!! To know that one, we still in debt and I have to stretch for yet another month, which trust me, will lead to another and another. It's like once and for all take everything away from me. I thought if I were to be patient, things would really start off better this year. It's been quite a few months now, I see things that makes me go ga-ga, that makes my knees weak and not be able to buy them. That I can actually just LUST for them. I know this is very meterial thinking but we're living in a material world. There is no escaping. && I'm not exactly those type of people who go and swipe your mom's credit card till it's left with nothing. I am the kind who saves up my own money with my own effort to buy the things I like. But how am I to do that when the we're even having problems to give me my allowance for me to save up in the first place?? I guess where we're headed is not a situation I will like, but eventually I'd settle for it if I was either warned/prepared or if it was to be cut down bit by bit. This is like BOMB! VIRGINIE YOU'RE BROKE!! So basically now no money for road tax, no money for insurance, no money to pay debts, no money for college fees (if PTPTN decideds to shit on us), no money for nice lunch/dinner, no money for entertainment which means no more movie night, no more dvds, no money for new clothes. WHAT THE HELL, i've been waiting to buy new undergarments for months!! This seriously sucks!! It sucks just so so badddd!! :'( I am just so frustrated right now. Mommy kept asking me not to worry about our finacials. But heck, I'm already feeling the pinch and it's a BIG sore!

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.