Picking Up The Pieces

In a mere 2 months time, it will be 5 years since the greatest tragedy of my life. Yes, I got dumped! Not once, not twice but 4 times by the same ONE guy. I know, I know. Shame on him if he fooled me once, shame on me if he fooled me twice & since its actually more than twice, I'm the QUEEN OF ALL FOOLS! While my mind kept spinning in all directions, the equation has always been this simple.

And that was exactly it. HE CHANGED HIS MIND! And they will continue to do so. All these while, I thought I was the problem. I felt worthless, unwanted, abandoned. I felt extremely ugly inside & out. During this 4 years and 10 months, my best friends were Mr Woe, Ms Sorrow, Mrs Anger and Ms Depression (actually, Depression has etched itself into me that it became a psychological problem for me. Mom & I will be consulting the doctors soon for medication. *yikes* - I'm not nuts, I promise!) Basically life was really really hard.

Though it's a little cliche to say that the world was a shade of grey to me and I always felt alone in a room full of people, it's true. I was once a butterfly but I've withdrawn myself from society. Hiding myself in the safe comfort of my own home, locked behind four walls as I wallow in my own pool of mess. It was overwhelming. Funny how when I look back now, I would have felt pity towards me (yes, I self-pity alot & it's not good) not because I was going through a hard time but because I NEVER wanted to accept reality. I didn't want to wake up from this bad dream. That is until NOW.

Like I said, he changed his mind and so did many who came after. I sought for a relationship that would heal the scars and wound I've felt. My aunt once told me that "to heal a broken heart, you have to fall in love with a new guy". Partially it is true but because of that, I wasn't looking for a loving partner. I was looking for a savior, a healer, a man who would accept me for all the things the rest left me for and that made things worst. Going from one bad relationship to another because for acceptance.

So I guess it's time for me to be the 'MAN' in my relationship with myself and start picking up the pieces. I've realized that I am the only one who has to accept myself. Not my ex, not men, not anyone else but me! Because if I am unable to love myself for who I am, then who can?

So here's the plan, I will have to start picking myself up from every angle starting with myself.

1. I will start to dress up nicely everyday. I will put on a dash of lipstick and paint a genuine smile across my face. If I want to feel beautiful, I have to put effort to look the part. No more messy hair and zombie-like face!
2. I will do the things I love. I will dance, I will go party, I will play and have fun because I owe myself that much for the years I've spent NOT having fun!
3. I will pamper and love myself. Whether it's a meni-pedi sesh, an appointment with the waxing spa or indulging myself in a shopping spree and korean meals, it's time I treat myself like the Princess that I deserve to be.
4. I will pursue my dreams. I will sit down and plan it all out nicely then I will follow them step-by-step because I know that I am suppose to rise from the ashes :D
5. I will travel the world. Starting with Korea <3

Because in the end, all that really matters is Me, Myself and I. Because I've realized that with every breath I take, I can actually live without you (all who ridiculed me one way or another). So yeah,

Last but not least, a lovely song by Paloma Faith called "Picking Up The Pieces". I wouldn't want my real Prince Charming to feel like he is picking up somebody else's trash so I'll better myself so that when he comes, I am not trash but a treasure worth loving! :)

xoxo, ever yours,

Virginie