Happy 53rd Birthday Malaysia.

It's the 31st today. It's Merdeka. But somehow I don't feel so Merdeka-ish this year. In fact, have I not enjoyed Nationals day since I last spent it with him? My last happy 31st August was there in his arms. Yes, it was not exactly as we planned but still the best yet. Ever since you left me baby, I've never really celebrated as I'll always take a stroll down memory lane. I love you && I miss you each and everyday. I'm suppose to be letting you go, but maybe my clockwork works the otherway round. Instead of moving on, I'm holding on even tighter. I ain't giving up on you baby, even if it's a good day to do so. Because FREEDOM WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT YOU! I love you more & more each day :) Goodnight sayang, Happy Merdeka. I hope you think of me tonight as I am thinking of you tonight.

Walking down memory lane, wishing you were by my side. I love you, S. Always do.

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

Changes

I used to be alright with changes. Until the day I've lost you. Ever since then, my life changed rapidly && I just couldn't catch up with it. Yes, life has definitely moves on, leaving me behind still holding on to you. We've been through a lot together bii, && nothing beats the way you make me feel. I don't want to give up on us. I know you said that it's over between us. I know thats what you want me to believe. But why can I see tears in your eyes when you had to tell me that you hate me? We've been apart for almost 4 months now. What difference does it make? My heart still beats for you. ONLY YOU. Maybe by now, you've let go of me. I really hope you haven't. I'm willing to wait for you. I'm willing to wait for you. Because it only you. It's you baby, IT'S YOU! It always have been you. I love you S. I love you so much, that it brings me joy to be able to hurt for you.

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

Dillusion

How can something feel so RIGHT yet be so WRONG?!

I love you. I still do. I always had since 2008. It's not just a crush you know. You are the world to me. You are the reason I smile or cry. You are the reason I changed. You are the reason I loved.

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

You're Nothing But A Mistake.

Yeah, you said you loved me, oh what a lie. I don't need you now. You're nothing but a mistake. I'll make sure I'll remember you as a disgrace.

p/s: If I'm a bitch, It's because you've turned me into a monster. No regrets tho. Being heartless is better than being heartbroken (:

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

No Regrets, My Love.

There really isn’t much to complain about my life right now. It sucks. It really does. Especially NOW! But if I take time to look at it and ponder upon it, (which I did) I realize that maybe things happened for a reason. Yes, I extremely love my boyfriend. He showed me the world in ways I would have never seen it with my own eyes. He respects me and he loves me for who I am. Things for us has never really been easy. && now, it seems at this relationship is a sunken ship. But I understand. I used to cry each night, asking why is he giving up on me? Giving up on me when I never once given up on him. I see it now. I AM good enough for him. He knows that. But, I am just NOT GOOD for him. I am trouble. I spell problems. && maybe letting him go is the only way to show him how very much I love him. It hurts me, but he’s a great guy. So why do I want to hurt him? What happened on sunday night, I will never forget. The way his eyes hurt when he told me that he hates me. The way his muscles tense up at the slightest touch of my hand. His guilt, his pain. I can see it all. People may think I’m crazy, people may think I’m stupid. Maybe I am. But I know him a lot more than anyone ever took interest in. I know him && I know he loves me. Maybe as the days pass, the feelings he have for me will subside. But I know my feelings for him will not. He changed me. He gave me hope. He showed me love. And now I’ll do the same. I will pray for you everyday, my love. For your bright future, for your happiness, for your health. And maybe one day, we could be together. *But I won’t keep my hopes up high* :P Haha, I love you, S.

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

Jokes On Me

There are things in life where you can only wish to own. Things that are never meant to be. As the saying goes, you can never have everything. There is this boy. He took my heart away. I wanted him very much badly. Obsessively and definitely very very badly. But he is meant to NOT be mine. && I could very much accept that after years of defeat. But the life had to go and play a joke on me. Life gave him to me. Finally after years of fighting and failure. This is the worst thing I have ever encountered. The most evil joke ever. Life took him away from me in a matter of 1 - 2 months. I hope I've humoured you and everyone else. To let me feel like the luckiest girl, to be thankful and to feel like I have won & that I deserved to be happy only to find that in the end, I LOST before I could have won. I can barely feel anything right now. This numbness fills every part of my body. I can't feel happiness, I can't feel sadness, I can't feel anger, I can't feel peace. All my feelings are gone. All but the pain inside. Which is the only thing running through my veins. My chest heaves. It hurts and there is nothing I can do to ease the pain. My head hurts from trying to shove it back inside. My eyes wells up every now and then but I fight to hold it in. I know, that if ONE tear falls, all hell breaks loose. For now, I shall hold on to every piece of myself. To continue standing. To ignore all pain, because there is not cure.

HAHAHA, JOKES ON ME!

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.