No Regrets, My Love.

There really isn’t much to complain about my life right now. It sucks. It really does. Especially NOW! But if I take time to look at it and ponder upon it, (which I did) I realize that maybe things happened for a reason. Yes, I extremely love my boyfriend. He showed me the world in ways I would have never seen it with my own eyes. He respects me and he loves me for who I am. Things for us has never really been easy. && now, it seems at this relationship is a sunken ship. But I understand. I used to cry each night, asking why is he giving up on me? Giving up on me when I never once given up on him. I see it now. I AM good enough for him. He knows that. But, I am just NOT GOOD for him. I am trouble. I spell problems. && maybe letting him go is the only way to show him how very much I love him. It hurts me, but he’s a great guy. So why do I want to hurt him? What happened on sunday night, I will never forget. The way his eyes hurt when he told me that he hates me. The way his muscles tense up at the slightest touch of my hand. His guilt, his pain. I can see it all. People may think I’m crazy, people may think I’m stupid. Maybe I am. But I know him a lot more than anyone ever took interest in. I know him && I know he loves me. Maybe as the days pass, the feelings he have for me will subside. But I know my feelings for him will not. He changed me. He gave me hope. He showed me love. And now I’ll do the same. I will pray for you everyday, my love. For your bright future, for your happiness, for your health. And maybe one day, we could be together. *But I won’t keep my hopes up high* :P Haha, I love you, S.

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.

Jokes On Me

There are things in life where you can only wish to own. Things that are never meant to be. As the saying goes, you can never have everything. There is this boy. He took my heart away. I wanted him very much badly. Obsessively and definitely very very badly. But he is meant to NOT be mine. && I could very much accept that after years of defeat. But the life had to go and play a joke on me. Life gave him to me. Finally after years of fighting and failure. This is the worst thing I have ever encountered. The most evil joke ever. Life took him away from me in a matter of 1 - 2 months. I hope I've humoured you and everyone else. To let me feel like the luckiest girl, to be thankful and to feel like I have won & that I deserved to be happy only to find that in the end, I LOST before I could have won. I can barely feel anything right now. This numbness fills every part of my body. I can't feel happiness, I can't feel sadness, I can't feel anger, I can't feel peace. All my feelings are gone. All but the pain inside. Which is the only thing running through my veins. My chest heaves. It hurts and there is nothing I can do to ease the pain. My head hurts from trying to shove it back inside. My eyes wells up every now and then but I fight to hold it in. I know, that if ONE tear falls, all hell breaks loose. For now, I shall hold on to every piece of myself. To continue standing. To ignore all pain, because there is not cure.

HAHAHA, JOKES ON ME!

xoxo, ever yours,
Virginie Laurency.